I received a hilarious cookbook from my BFF Sid a while back and just re-found it.Eat Your Feelings: Recipes for Self-Loathing by Heather Whaley has recipes and directions to get you through life’s trickiest situations.
Sky-High Banana Cream Pie because You Just found Out You’re Dating a Married Guy (Recipe directions include checking your voicemail multiple times).
Rainbow Sherbet ‘Cause Your Boss is a Pervert
Cheese Fondue Because Your Therapist Fell Asleep On You
He Likes Your Roommate Key Lime Pie
Here’s a snippet of how to make The Ugly Baby Cheese Sandwich: Toast bread until lightly brown. Place 3-4 slices of cheese on 1 piece of toasted bread. Do not lay a picture of Shiloh Jolie-Pitt over your babies face because although this will improve the aesthetics of the infant, it may cause suffocation or further disfigurement via papercuts. Slice tomato and place on cheese. Reinvest your baby’s college fund money in a plastic-surgery savings account and set aside extra money to purchase future prom dates. Microwave until cheese has fully melted. Serve sandwich with side of chips and tell others your real baby was switched at birth.
Oh, that’s just the beginning. For the gents, how about trying “The Slammin’ Chick from the Club was not at all a Chick Chicken Club”? Incredible.